Story Brunch
Experiences shared by ‘X’ who had undergone depression for years.This article intends to educate readers about symptoms of Depression and how to get rid of it.
How did Depression kick into my Life?
Everyone has a different reason for getting into depression, some get into it due to a failed career , many due to break ups with their beloveds or a failed marriage,stressful relationship, prolonged financial crisis in life,etc. Most do not even realise that they suffer from General Anxiety Disorder until its very late.
My story :
My first bout of depression hit me a day after an exam in which I scored All India highest marks. I had to meet my best friend,rather someone I loved, on the exam day evening. I was very happy at my exam performance and was very enthused to share the news with my friend. i reached back my hostel and called her. The number was not reachable,I tried multiple times ,all in vain.
I came to know through her email next day that she had left Delhi a week ago.Forever. Her marriage had been fixed. She had deliberately mailed me a day after my exams so that the news of her marriage does not hamper my performance.
I was surrounded by friends, every one was partying , we were roaming around, having fun, but I was numb.
A feeling of loneliness was gradually creeping in my life.
I had stopped talking to any of my friends. A phase of intense motivation (exam preparation and desire to meet her) was followed by sudden drop in any enthusiasm in life.
Everything around seemed to be meaningless without her. I stopped interacting with anyone, gradually pushed myself unintentionally into solitude for a long time, nothing used to interest me any more.
It took me years to recover from Depression.
How does it feel during Depression?
We start feeling demotivated,life seems to be meaningless,there is no hope of happiness ,we become mentally weak, motionless, waking up every day without a desire to step out of bed, we seclude ourselves from every one gradually, functions and parties do not entertain, we feel lonely in the crowd, we just want to wrap ourselves in a blanket and hide from the world in solitude on a distant island where no one knows us.
Depression spirals the thoughts towards suicide gradually. All alone,lying in bed,each thought pushes us automatically towards self harm.During those moments one feels like ending all suffering for all and once.
With no one around the sense of responsibility ceases to exist,accountability towards family disappears.All one wants is an exit from all pain. Death seems to be the only Hope,cessation of all suffering within moments. We start assuming ourselves to be a liability on our near and dear ones.
Good moments from past haunt us , pushing us more towards self harm.
Tears keep rolling through our eyes at midnight,we lying still in bed for hours.
One feels like going away from everything and everyone,we see ourselves as reason behind suffering of family,friends,we start perceiving suicide as not a selfish act as we assume that we are taking away reasons behind others’ sufferings caused by our mistakes.
Therapy
Fist step should be to consult a psychologist as soon as one realises that one is going through depression.If needed,a psychiatrist too should be sought an appointment with. Depression is also linked to chemical imbalances in our bodies and medication does help.
Informal suggestions from non-psychologists and non-psychiatrists should not be relied upon in cases of General Anxiety Depression.
How did I come out of my Depression?
It took me very long to realise that I was a patient of General Anxiety Disorder,but once I came to know,I visited psychologist,and then a psychiatrist. Medications worked well, but could not cure my depression completely. They had short term effect, temporary relief. Medication also does have a tendency to make us an addict.When we don’t get the pills,it aggravates the situation. Sleep and anxiety disorders become quite normal during depression.
We should also try Cognitive and Behavioral Therapy for long lasting relief.
Fortunately, I came across a like minded friend who had done Art of Living courses.
All it takes is one good person to mould our thought process.
It takes time to open up for a depressed person. He/she becomes suspicious of everyone,low confidence cripples him,he doesn’t want to share anything with any second or third person easily. Only when he/she considers someone as the first person he/she starts opening up. It takes time,its like a drag race with life.
But reaching out to a sensible friend really helps.Talking, opening up about our feelings relieve us emotionally. We need to keep looking for that one sensible friend who has key to our happiness,interacting with different people on different topics diverts our mind and also helps us find that like minded person in whom we can confide. It takes time.
Aerobic exercises should be done regularly. A fit and healthy body makes way to a healthy and happy mind.
